On Creativity and Approaching Motherhood

I feel like I’ve been bursting at the seams to create. I pick up a pencil and draw, I grab my watercolors and paint, I prep an embroidery hoop and thread the floss, but nothing has felt quite right. I want to write some beautiful novel that speaks to people, but inspiration hasn’t come to me. This urge to connect to others has left me yearning even more for motherhood.

After unsuccessfully trying to get pregnant on our own, fertility treatments, and an early miscarriage, Luke and I began the process of getting licensed through the state of Connecticut to foster-to-adopt. We’re only days away from being licensed and just under a week away from being able to accept a placement.

I wrote a post back in April to share with friends & family about our decision to pursue this path to parenthood and said:

We know that there may be bumps in the road. We know that the ultimate goal is for infants and children to be reunited with their birth families up until the moment that parental rights are terminated. We know that we may grow to love and care for a baby that might not join our family permanently. We also know that we have so much love to give and would be humbled to know that we provided a safe, loving home when the child & their family needed it the most. Of course, our ultimate goal is to adopt a child who will be ours. We aren’t saviors. We aren’t noble or selfless. We are two people who want to experience motherhood & fatherhood and to raise a family. We want to love & nurture a child who needs a family just as much as we long to have one.

One of the things I noticed when searching for resources on preparing for fostering and/or adoption, one of the things I noticed was that the majority of the bloggers wrote about how this was deeply related to their religious beliefs. As someone who identifies as agnostic or atheist depending on the day, I couldn’t relate to this content. I found myself rolling my eyes and wondering if there was a way I could genuinely and publicly talk about how this journey feels for me and Luke without being performative or misinformed. I know that if there’s content I’m looking for and I can’t find it, there must be others who might be able to relate. So, here it goes.

I’m going to try. Try to write, try to connect, try to share as I learn and grow.

I hope you’ll join me on our journey!